Kyra Soleil-Dawe Story Archives - West Virginia Public Broadcasting

'I Will Stay Here, Because I Feel Free' – Kyra Soleil-Dawe's Struggle to Stay, Part Three

It’s nothing unusual to think about leaving your hometown after you graduate high school, but sometimes it’s not an option to leave, and sometimes, as we’ve heard, leaving can be difficult and expensive, too. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

But making it work financially here in Appalachia, well, that’s tough, too.

The past few months, we’ve introduced you to three Appalachians on The Struggle to Stay series.

Recently, we’ve heard from 20-year-old Kyra Soleil-Dawe in Shepherdstown, West Virginia who, at the age of 17, started a small theater group called Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions, or WSP.

The company has grown since its beginnings in 2014, and now WSP is putting on its third and biggest production, William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Kyra hopes this show will help to establish WSP as a credible theater group – one that’s recognized and taken seriously.

“I know it’s so hard, and I can’t imagine it would be any harder than what we’re already doing, which is just getting people to believe it. Getting people to believe that we are real, and that we are here, and we mean business, and just because we’re young, does not mean that we are any worse off; that we are any less talented.” – Kyra

Achieving this dream is part of Kyra’s struggle to stay.

As a reminder to our listeners, Kyra identifies as genderfluid and prefers they, them, and their pronouns.

West Virginia Public Broadcasting takes us back to the story, where Hamlet is just about to open to the public.

The Timber Frame Folly in Shepherdstown.

Opening Night

It’s late October 2016 – nearly Halloween, and it’s finally time. It’s opening night for WSP’s production of Hamlet.

While the cast was getting situated back stage, Kyra was walking around the performance space, making sure everything was ready to go, and chatting with guests.

“I am okay. I’m a little non-feeling right now, because I’m kind of in shock that this is happening,” Kyra said, “This is happening right now. It’s happening right now. We’re opening in like… it’s 7:22 p.m. We open in 38 minutes.”

Since Kyra’s first show in 2014, WSP has been performing here in this space – the Timber Frame Folly located in the woods on the outskirts of Shepherdstown. The Folly is a wooden structure built a little over 20 years ago. It’s used as a performance space for the community, and it’s situated in a grassy clearing, surrounded by trees.

“Yeah, no, this – this space is definitely home.”

Seating is either in the grass or on benches cut from logs. The space is rustic and charming.

A large crowd has turned up. Everyone settles in…and Hamlet begins.

(left to right) Joshua Riese, Ben Johnson, Koty Crawford.

The cast gets a standing ovation. The audience laughed at the Shakepearean jokes, there was silence during the dramatic moments, and the cast just had a lot of energy.

There were about 50 people who came out to see the opening show, which Kyra says is an accomplishment considering their very first opening night, back in 2014, only had 8 people in the audience.

“Everything is just better than when we first started. The sets and the crews, and the actors and the acting, and the text, and the lighting, and just the; we have merchandise, like what is this world that we live in, I mean this was just like an idea that developed in my parents’ basement, and now we’re like here.”

The entire run of Hamlet – all four shows – made about $5,000, so Kyra was even able to pay their actors and crew.

Several members of Kyra’s family also came out for the show, including Kyra’s mom, Kathleen Dawe. At the time, Kyra was just beginning to ask friends and family to use they, them, and their pronouns, so Kyra’s mom still uses she and her in this interview.

“I’m so proud of Kyra,” Kathleen said, “She’s always been a go-getter. She’s been a doer since minute one. I remember coming in when she was four-years-old, pretending to be 8 and being on homework hotline. She was writing and winning writing contests in first grade, and she has always excelled. There are a lot of reasons why one can’t succeed, but when I look into that little fireball’s eyes, do I want to think that she can’t succeed? No, I really think she might. I think she might.”

Pronouns & Acceptance

While Kyra’s mom does support her daughter, it’s been tough to understand Kyra’s struggles with gender identity. It’s been hard for all of Kyra’s close family.

“The fact that they’re trying to make an effort means a lot, because it is an accommodation,” Kyra said, “They are trying to accommodate me, however, I would say that I would really hope that people, and families, and anybody who is associated with transgender or genderfluid, or nonbinary, or androgynous people make those accommodations, because it’s a sign that you care. You know, do you care about grammar more, or do you care about that person more? Do you care about your perceptions of girl and boy more, or do you care about your kid more? And I think that those are the lessons my family’s learning right now, that I’m learning right now as well. But I love them dearly; they love me back. We’re working out the kinks in between.”

Being genderfluid, Kyra says there are some places in West Virginia where they don’t feel safe, but that’s not the case everywhere.

“I feel very safe in the panhandle of West Virginia, even Martinsburg, Fayetteville especially, and also, you know, Jefferson County very, very accepting. We’re also very close to D.C., and Maryland is doing pretty, pretty good on those efforts to make those people feel comfortable.”

Despite those safety concerns, Kyra still supports this state.

“Oh, I’ll always fight for West Virginia. That’s why I got it tattooed on my body, but uh, cause I care. And this is home.”

New Opportunities, More Dreams

So, Whiskey Shine and Pantomime’s production of Hamlet came to a close. Kyra started writing an original play they hoped to showcase for the public in the summertime, and Kyra continued to juggle a handful of jobs and lived paycheck-to-paycheck.

And then, in May 2017, Kyra got hit with some big news.

Kyra learned their mother, Kathleen Dawe, and father Brighten Dawe, were moving out of West Virginia…to Colorado for a job opportunity.

Now, Kyra’s conflicted whether to follow them…especially for their mom.

“Cause I don’t think I’m just my mom’s kid, I think that I’m one of my mom’s best friends, and my best friend’s moving away, so that’s, that’s really scary,” Kyra said, “but it is good. It is a good thing, but it’s sad that they have to leave me to do it…But my family was certainly an incentive to stay in West Virginia, because I had my family here, but now I don’t really have that, so it is conflicting, cause I’m the only one here now, and of course my parents want me to follow them to Colorado, and it is tempting, there’s a lot of cool stuff down there, but I’m not ready to leave here. My life is here.”

You see, ever since the family moved to West Virginia, finances have been a battle.

Kyra’s dad is a computer programmer, and he got a job here in the area in IT, or information technology, when Kyra was six-years-old.

When the family first arrived to West Virginia, they had money put away in savings from other jobs, and they did well for a while. The family bought a nice big house, lots of art, a couple cars – Kyra started out well-off.

But the job Kyra’s dad picked up here wasn’t as lucrative as the family hoped, and the savings and paychecks started to dwindle.

When Kyra was old enough to work, they started helping to pay their parents’ bills.

“They were stuck in West Virginia, because they had so much debt,” Kyra explained, “and they had all these mortgages to pay off, and no stable footing, no retirement set up, none of that, so you’re basically trapped in a big’ole house that you can’t afford, and so for my father to receive this incredible job opportunity in Colorado is huge, and it is the only way they could get out.”

Kyra says, even though they’re sad to see their parents leave the state, Kyra will stay – as long as they don’t feel the same trapped feeling their parents’ felt.

“That’s why I will stay here, because I feel free, but the second I’m unable to leave, the second I feel like my freedom is squandered, I will have to leave, because I will not tolerate that, because I watched my family go through that for the past decade.”

This past June, Kyra put on their fourth theater production at the Timber Frame Folly, and things have been going well for Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions.

In fact, earlier in the year, in February, WSP was made into an LLC, or limited liability company.

This was Kyra’s dream, for years. Now – WSP is an official licenced company in the state of West Virginia.

To Kyra’s surprise, it wasn’t as hard to do as they thought it would be…just a little paperwork and a hundred bucks.

But that was just the beginning.

“It was so terrifying to become an LLC. It’s really scary to have my name on that, because I’m so worried I’m gonna screw it up, but at the same time, I can’t think that, otherwise, I’m gonna. I have to think that I’m gonna prove all those other little business owners that told me I couldn’t do it, and that it was too hard, and that blah, blah, blah, you can’t do it, no, thank you, I’m not gonna take that for an answer, I’m gonna do it, but I’m terrified that I can’t. But I’m gonna try my hardest to prove them wrong.”

Becoming a business owner at 20-years-old, is scary for the same reasons it’s exciting to Kyra. This is a big step towards digging in long term roots and settling for good here in West Virginia.

Kyra’s next dream for WSP is to have a theater space to call their own, to continue to make art and thrive right here…in Appalachia.

'We Are Real and We Are Here' – Kyra Soleil-Dawe's Struggle to Stay, Part Two

Last week, we met Kyra Soleil-Dawe, a 20-year-old aspiring theater director and playwright who lives in Shepherdstown, West Virginia.

“And this place is so beautiful,” Kyra said, “how would you ever wanna leave it? And I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that, I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that there’s something really incredible happening here.”

Kyra hopes to make it here in West Virginia as a young artist, having started a small theater company called Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions in 2014 at age 17. Kyra’s goal is to get it licensed as an official company. The success or failure of the group plays a pivotal piece in whether Kyra stays or leaves Appalachia.

Just to remind our listeners, Kyra identifies as genderfluid, so throughout Kyra’s Struggle to Stay, we’ll be referring to Kyra with they, them, and their pronouns.

We left off last time during auditions for Kyra’s production of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Kyra follows along in the script during the first rehearsal for Hamlet.

Forming WSP Productions

It’s a late, summer night in August 2016. I’m in the basement of Kyra’s parents’ house where the last auditions for Hamlet are taking place. Hamlet will be Kyra’s third and biggest play since forming WSP Productions. It’s also the first-time Kyra’s held auditions for a show.

After almost two hours, auditions are over. Kyra and best friend and stage manager, Lydia Johnson, are feeling pretty good with the turnout.

“People came out and took it seriously,” Kyra said.

“They took it seriously,” Lydia agreed, “They’ve been really respectful. They showed up on time,”

“Right, and filled out their paperwork,” noted Kyra.

“Which like, not being part of a company that’s recognized – and working with actors is kind of like herding cats, so the fact that everybody actually showed up, and it wasn’t like two people showed up, and then ten people said, oh hey, but could you do it some other day, cause I can totally make it out, but like, next week,” Lydia explained.

Kyra was pretty nervous before auditions started, but they were also excited. Kyra says, hosting auditions really made it feel like like WSP was beginning to go somewhere.

“Everyone took to direction really well,” Kyra said, “and everyone that auditioned was older than I am, not that, that really matters, but that is something in my mind that I am one of the youngest people participating in this show, and I’m the one running it, and everyone just treated me, and the rest of our crew behind here listening in on auditions, with absolute, just complete and utter respect, and that’s so great, and I had so much fun. I’m so excited to do this show. I’m so excited to work with these people.”

Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions was formed not just by Kyra alone, but with help from two people. Kyra’s boyfriend, Ben Johnson, and his older sister Lydia played a major part in forming the company three years ago. Kyra even refers to the two of them as their “tribe.”

But more than just a hobby between friends, WSP developed into a conduit for Kyra’s artistic expression.

“It’s nice that we can make it sound all nice and professional with WSP Productions,” Kyra noted, “We have stickers, we have t-shirts now; it feels like we’re so real already. I’m so pleased about it, but what was once a joke is now just becoming kind of a dream come true.”

Fears & Finances

Kyra is determined to stay in West Virginia and make WSP a lucrative business in their childhood home. But, at the same time…Kyra is also terrified of feeling trapped.

“As long as I can leave, I wanna stay, but that’s the common misconception about West Virginia is that you live here, and you get stuck here,” they said.

So, one way Kyra deals with that fear is through traveling.

“Because it’s proof to myself that I can always leave; that I can always choose something else; that to me is ultimate freedom.”

Travel, like with art, is something Kyra says they need – but to travel, you need cash; to get cash, you need work – and financial security is also something on Kyra’s mind.

Kyra gets some support from family, like using the basement at their parents’ house for rehearsal space. But despite that, Kyra says their family isn’t able to financially support them. In fact, Kyra says their family has some financial struggles of their own, and Kyra often helps out.

So between Kyra’s own bills, their family’s difficulties, and keeping WSP afloat, Kyra’s budget is pretty tight.

During the entire production of Hamlet, Kyra works four jobs – as a raft guide, selling cheese on a goat farm, as a barista and manager for a coffee shop, and as a freelance photographer and filmmaker. But even with all those jobs, Kyra says they only take home about $16,000 a year.

“Because of the lack of opportunity here? It worries me, because when is that gonna be me? When am I no longer gonna be able to afford to leave, you know? If I can’t leave, then why am I staying?”

So, Kyra’s really hoping Hamlet will bring in more money, while also helping to get WSP on the map.

The cast of Hamlet sit together during the first read-through.

A few weeks later, Hamlet rehearsals are in full swing.

One early morning, after a full night of rehearsing, Kyra recorded an update on their iPhone on how things were going. It was around 1:00 a.m.

“I just had an argument with one of my actors, and it was fine, it was totally fine, we hugged it out, and it was okay, but…I’ll get off of my day job, and all of these people want me to make these decisions, and it’s…it’s my own damn fault. I am the one to make these decisions, I signed up for that, but half the time, I just feel like, oh my god, I don’t even know what I’m doing, I don’t even know what I’m doing…”

Kyra recorded this late night update while sitting on the back patio at their parent’s house. It was early fall, September, but you can still hear the cicadas.

“I want to prove everyone wrong. Everyone says that it’s impossible. I’ve had so many conversations with business owners, and it always just ends in them saying it involves so much sacrifice, and I know that, I know it does, I feel it every day. I spend hours just making our social media look pretty. I spend hundreds of dollars trying to help get the word out, and I spend so many nights that I don’t sleep just so that I can come up with a plan. I know it’s so hard, and I can’t imagine it would be any harder than what we’re already doing, which is just getting people to believe it. Getting people to believe that we are real, and that we are here, and we mean business, and just because we’re young, does not mean that we are any worse off; that we are any less talented.”

Opening night of Hamlet is just around the corner, but will the outcome be everything Kyra hoped for?

And what about Kyra’s family, who have financial burdens of their own? How will that impact Kyra’s Struggle to Stay?

Music was provided by Marisa Anderson.

Finding Myself in 'This Beautiful, Beautiful Place' – Kyra Soleil-Dawe's Struggle to Stay, Part One

In 2014, when Kyra Soleil-Dawe was 17-years-old, they formed a small, theater company out of West Virginia’s Eastern Panhandle in Shepherdstown – a historic, artsy, college town just miles from Maryland, Virginia, and Pennsylvania.

We’re using the pronouns they, them, and their when referring to Kyra, because they identify as genderfluid or genderqueer, which are terms within the LGBTQ community. Kyra was born female, but doesn’t identify exclusively as female or male – but somewhere in the middle.

It was theater that helped Kyra come to terms with questions about gender and identity. It helped with one of the darkest periods of Kyra’s life – during middle school.

Kyra wants their theater company to be licensed and to be a sustainable business here in Appalachia. Kyra wants to be taken seriously, recognized for their talents, and make a profit. Part of Kyra’s struggle to stay rests on this dream.

West Virginia Public Broadcasting has been following Kyra’s story for about one year. We step back to August 2016. Kyra was still 19-years-old at this time.

“My name is Kyra Soleil-Dawe, and I am deciding whether to stay or leave to pursue better artistic opportunities. I really want to stay, but I’m told I really should leave, so I’m trying to make what some people say is impossible happen, and make a very high quality of work in a place that a lot of people stigmatize as not a high quality place to work.”

Kyra wears a Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions t-shirt.

Dreams Down By the River

Kyra sits on Shepherdstown’s iconic stone “Wall” eating a burger and fries. They’re sporting a t-shirt with the Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions logo or WSP for short – that’s the name of Kyra’s theater group.

Kyra’s dream is for WSP Productions to become an official company – they’d love to own a business or a small profit theater company before turning 20 – but knows it won’t be easy.

It’s about 9:00 p.m. This is Kyra’s favorite time of day.

We walk from the “Wall” down to the Potomac River on the West Virginia side – it’s here where Kyra comes to think.

It’s dark, except for the stars and the reflection of the moon on the water. Street lamps twinkle in the darkness from a bridge connecting West Virginia and Maryland just a few hundred feet away. Cicadas chirp loudly around us.

We stand on a concrete boat ramp, just steps away from the warm water, and we’re the only ones here.

“I love bodies of water, it really helps me think. I love coming down here to think,” Kyra said, “I’ve had a lot of really great discussions with people that have come and gone through my life, and almost every single conversation, I always am pushing this dream that we can be successful artists in West Virginia; that we don’t have to just go across the river, we don’t have to go across the country, we don’t have to go anywhere to make the work that we wanna make.”

Shepherdstown is Kyra’s home. Though Kyra was born in California, they moved to West Virginia at the age of six.

“And this place is so beautiful, how would you ever wanna leave it? And I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that, I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that there’s something really incredible happening here, and my fear of both leaving or staying is the fact that it won’t ever get acknowledged unless I go elsewhere,” Kyra explained, “but if I go elsewhere, it won’t be derived from this place; this beautiful, beautiful place.”

(left to right) Ben Johnson, Kyra, and Lydia Johnson during auditions for Hamlet. Lydia is Kyra’s best friend and stage manager.

Theater & Coming Out

Just a few days after this interview, I attended the second day of auditions for Kyra’s latest production – William Shakespeare’s classic tragedy, Hamlet. Auditions were held at Kyra’s parent’s house, just a few miles from the heart of Shepherdstown.

Shakespeare has actually played a large role in Kyra’s life. In fact, it was one of the playwright’s other plays, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, that was a turning point for Kyra.

“When I was in junior high, I was in my first Shakespeare play, and I was really confused; everybody’s hormones were crazy and vicious, and so were the people,” Kyra remembered, “and I didn’t really fit in with the girls. I was really bad at being a girl; I’m still really bad at being a girl, and I didn’t really fit in with the boys, cause I still was a girl, at least I thought. And I got bullied really hard.”

Kyra says this point was the most difficult time of their life. Kyra was beginning to recognize they were genderqueer and struggling with identity.

“I just felt so lost and confused and kind of empty, and I really genuinely thought that, like, if things didn’t get better by high school, I would try to opt out in whatever way that applied. Whether it meant, like, leaving, running away, or, like, actually attempting suicide, whatever that looked like, I knew that was very real for me, because I just did not enjoy what was going on at the time, and that’s like nobody’s fault, it really isn’t, but that’s how I felt mentally.”

Things changed for 12 year-old Kyra when they were cast as Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream; a character who’s an outcast and no other characters seem to love. Kyra connected with Helena to a T. And for the first time, Kyra felt in control.

“It finally gave me something to connect to, and as a weird, seventh grade kid who doesn’t know how to act like a person, or a girl that was a really big deal. That was a really big deal. I learned that I could pretend, and if I could pretend, I could make it through. And then in learning how to pretend, I realized everybody else was doing the exact same thing; sometimes without realizing it,” Kyra noted, “So it took me out of that very vulnerable place of feeling very put down by my peers and by myself, and being in a weird body and not knowing what that was and coming into a queerness that I did not know I had, and it gave me, not just an activity, but like a philosophy, like a way of life; to kind of fake it til you made it, or fake it til you fake it some more. And although that sounds kind of terrible, that is absolutely what I needed in that moment,and that’s part of the reason that theater is, like, my life. It’s my philosophy, it’s my world, it’s how I see the world, and it saved my life.”

A few years after playing Helena in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Kyra came out as bisexual to friends and family. And that was tough.

“I would say there are definitely some growing pains, but my family supports me as a person, pretty much unconditionally, and I hope to see those growing pains actually be real growth in both their person and mine, and our relationship. It’s hard. I’m not gonna lie.”

And then during their senior year of high school, Kyra came out as genderqueer, or genderfluid.

“Being a pansexual, non-binary person just means I don’t necessarily identify really strongly as both male or female, I just feel kind of masculine, and that’s just fine, so I’m just a person. That’s all that means.”

And then underneath this self-discovery was theater. Theater helped Kyra feel more self-assured, more grounded while coming out.

Back at the Hamlet auditions, Kyra’s feeling nervous but excited to get the show cast.

We’re in the basement of Kyra’s parent’s house. On the patio outside, a handful of other local actors – all millennials – chat, smoke cigarettes, and wait to be called in to audition.

Kyra and Lydia look on as Ben auditions with local actor Koty Crawford.

Inside, Kyra’s boyfriend Ben Johnson is reading for the part of Hamlet. Kyra gives him some pointers.

“I’m really hoping that this production kind of establishes us as really credible, right? I want people to, like, I want people to realize the talent that I’ve realized in these people, and it’s really helpful to do that with, like, a big name production." Kyra on Hamlet.

In just a couple of months, Kyra’s latest theater production, Hamlet, will open to the public. But how will Kyra handle the weight of directing such a big show? One where Kyra rests so much hope? And how welcome does Kyra feel here given their gender identity?

More next time on Kyra’s Struggle to Stay.

Music was provided by Marisa Anderson.