'I Will Stay Here, Because I Feel Free' – Kyra Soleil-Dawe's Struggle to Stay, Part Three

It’s nothing unusual to think about leaving your hometown after you graduate high school, but sometimes it’s not an option to leave, and sometimes, as we’ve heard, leaving can be difficult and expensive, too. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

But making it work financially here in Appalachia, well, that’s tough, too.

The past few months, we’ve introduced you to three Appalachians on The Struggle to Stay series.

Recently, we’ve heard from 20-year-old Kyra Soleil-Dawe in Shepherdstown, West Virginia who, at the age of 17, started a small theater group called Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions, or WSP.

The company has grown since its beginnings in 2014, and now WSP is putting on its third and biggest production, William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Kyra hopes this show will help to establish WSP as a credible theater group – one that’s recognized and taken seriously.

“I know it’s so hard, and I can’t imagine it would be any harder than what we’re already doing, which is just getting people to believe it. Getting people to believe that we are real, and that we are here, and we mean business, and just because we’re young, does not mean that we are any worse off; that we are any less talented.” – Kyra

Achieving this dream is part of Kyra’s struggle to stay.

As a reminder to our listeners, Kyra identifies as genderfluid and prefers they, them, and their pronouns.

West Virginia Public Broadcasting takes us back to the story, where Hamlet is just about to open to the public.

Credit Liz McCormick / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting
The Timber Frame Folly in Shepherdstown.

Opening Night

It’s late October 2016 – nearly Halloween, and it’s finally time. It’s opening night for WSP’s production of Hamlet.

While the cast was getting situated back stage, Kyra was walking around the performance space, making sure everything was ready to go, and chatting with guests.

“I am okay. I’m a little non-feeling right now, because I’m kind of in shock that this is happening,” Kyra said, “This is happening right now. It’s happening right now. We’re opening in like… it’s 7:22 p.m. We open in 38 minutes.”

Since Kyra’s first show in 2014, WSP has been performing here in this space – the Timber Frame Folly located in the woods on the outskirts of Shepherdstown. The Folly is a wooden structure built a little over 20 years ago. It’s used as a performance space for the community, and it’s situated in a grassy clearing, surrounded by trees.

“Yeah, no, this – this space is definitely home.”

Seating is either in the grass or on benches cut from logs. The space is rustic and charming.

A large crowd has turned up. Everyone settles in…and Hamlet begins.

Credit Kara Lofton / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting
(left to right) Joshua Riese, Ben Johnson, Koty Crawford.

The cast gets a standing ovation. The audience laughed at the Shakepearean jokes, there was silence during the dramatic moments, and the cast just had a lot of energy.

There were about 50 people who came out to see the opening show, which Kyra says is an accomplishment considering their very first opening night, back in 2014, only had 8 people in the audience.

“Everything is just better than when we first started. The sets and the crews, and the actors and the acting, and the text, and the lighting, and just the; we have merchandise, like what is this world that we live in, I mean this was just like an idea that developed in my parents’ basement, and now we’re like here.”

The entire run of Hamlet – all four shows – made about $5,000, so Kyra was even able to pay their actors and crew.

Several members of Kyra’s family also came out for the show, including Kyra’s mom, Kathleen Dawe. At the time, Kyra was just beginning to ask friends and family to use they, them, and their pronouns, so Kyra’s mom still uses she and her in this interview.

“I’m so proud of Kyra,” Kathleen said, “She’s always been a go-getter. She’s been a doer since minute one. I remember coming in when she was four-years-old, pretending to be 8 and being on homework hotline. She was writing and winning writing contests in first grade, and she has always excelled. There are a lot of reasons why one can’t succeed, but when I look into that little fireball’s eyes, do I want to think that she can’t succeed? No, I really think she might. I think she might.”

Pronouns & Acceptance

While Kyra’s mom does support her daughter, it’s been tough to understand Kyra’s struggles with gender identity. It’s been hard for all of Kyra’s close family.

“The fact that they’re trying to make an effort means a lot, because it is an accommodation,” Kyra said, “They are trying to accommodate me, however, I would say that I would really hope that people, and families, and anybody who is associated with transgender or genderfluid, or nonbinary, or androgynous people make those accommodations, because it’s a sign that you care. You know, do you care about grammar more, or do you care about that person more? Do you care about your perceptions of girl and boy more, or do you care about your kid more? And I think that those are the lessons my family’s learning right now, that I’m learning right now as well. But I love them dearly; they love me back. We’re working out the kinks in between.”

Credit Kara Lofton / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting

Being genderfluid, Kyra says there are some places in West Virginia where they don’t feel safe, but that’s not the case everywhere.

“I feel very safe in the panhandle of West Virginia, even Martinsburg, Fayetteville especially, and also, you know, Jefferson County very, very accepting. We’re also very close to D.C., and Maryland is doing pretty, pretty good on those efforts to make those people feel comfortable.”

Despite those safety concerns, Kyra still supports this state.

“Oh, I’ll always fight for West Virginia. That’s why I got it tattooed on my body, but uh, cause I care. And this is home.”

New Opportunities, More Dreams

So, Whiskey Shine and Pantomime’s production of Hamlet came to a close. Kyra started writing an original play they hoped to showcase for the public in the summertime, and Kyra continued to juggle a handful of jobs and lived paycheck-to-paycheck.

And then, in May 2017, Kyra got hit with some big news.

Kyra learned their mother, Kathleen Dawe, and father Brighten Dawe, were moving out of West Virginia…to Colorado for a job opportunity.

Now, Kyra’s conflicted whether to follow them…especially for their mom.

“Cause I don’t think I’m just my mom’s kid, I think that I’m one of my mom’s best friends, and my best friend’s moving away, so that’s, that’s really scary,” Kyra said, “but it is good. It is a good thing, but it’s sad that they have to leave me to do it…But my family was certainly an incentive to stay in West Virginia, because I had my family here, but now I don’t really have that, so it is conflicting, cause I’m the only one here now, and of course my parents want me to follow them to Colorado, and it is tempting, there’s a lot of cool stuff down there, but I’m not ready to leave here. My life is here.”

You see, ever since the family moved to West Virginia, finances have been a battle.

Kyra’s dad is a computer programmer, and he got a job here in the area in IT, or information technology, when Kyra was six-years-old.

When the family first arrived to West Virginia, they had money put away in savings from other jobs, and they did well for a while. The family bought a nice big house, lots of art, a couple cars – Kyra started out well-off.

But the job Kyra’s dad picked up here wasn’t as lucrative as the family hoped, and the savings and paychecks started to dwindle.

When Kyra was old enough to work, they started helping to pay their parents’ bills.

“They were stuck in West Virginia, because they had so much debt,” Kyra explained, “and they had all these mortgages to pay off, and no stable footing, no retirement set up, none of that, so you’re basically trapped in a big’ole house that you can’t afford, and so for my father to receive this incredible job opportunity in Colorado is huge, and it is the only way they could get out.”

Kyra says, even though they’re sad to see their parents leave the state, Kyra will stay – as long as they don’t feel the same trapped feeling their parents’ felt.

“That’s why I will stay here, because I feel free, but the second I’m unable to leave, the second I feel like my freedom is squandered, I will have to leave, because I will not tolerate that, because I watched my family go through that for the past decade.”

This past June, Kyra put on their fourth theater production at the Timber Frame Folly, and things have been going well for Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions.

In fact, earlier in the year, in February, WSP was made into an LLC, or limited liability company.

This was Kyra’s dream, for years. Now – WSP is an official licenced company in the state of West Virginia.

To Kyra’s surprise, it wasn’t as hard to do as they thought it would be…just a little paperwork and a hundred bucks.

But that was just the beginning.

“It was so terrifying to become an LLC. It’s really scary to have my name on that, because I’m so worried I’m gonna screw it up, but at the same time, I can’t think that, otherwise, I’m gonna. I have to think that I’m gonna prove all those other little business owners that told me I couldn’t do it, and that it was too hard, and that blah, blah, blah, you can’t do it, no, thank you, I’m not gonna take that for an answer, I’m gonna do it, but I’m terrified that I can’t. But I’m gonna try my hardest to prove them wrong.”

Credit Liz McCormick / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting

Becoming a business owner at 20-years-old, is scary for the same reasons it’s exciting to Kyra. This is a big step towards digging in long term roots and settling for good here in West Virginia.

Kyra’s next dream for WSP is to have a theater space to call their own, to continue to make art and thrive right here…in Appalachia.

'We Are Real and We Are Here' – Kyra Soleil-Dawe's Struggle to Stay, Part Two

Last week, we met Kyra Soleil-Dawe, a 20-year-old aspiring theater director and playwright who lives in Shepherdstown, West Virginia.

“And this place is so beautiful,” Kyra said, “how would you ever wanna leave it? And I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that, I hope that I’m not the only one that sees that there’s something really incredible happening here.”

Kyra hopes to make it here in West Virginia as a young artist, having started a small theater company called Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions in 2014 at age 17. Kyra’s goal is to get it licensed as an official company. The success or failure of the group plays a pivotal piece in whether Kyra stays or leaves Appalachia.

Just to remind our listeners, Kyra identifies as genderfluid, so throughout Kyra’s Struggle to Stay, we’ll be referring to Kyra with they, them, and their pronouns.

We left off last time during auditions for Kyra’s production of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

Credit Liz McCormick / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting
Kyra follows along in the script during the first rehearsal for Hamlet.

Forming WSP Productions

It’s a late, summer night in August 2016. I’m in the basement of Kyra’s parents’ house where the last auditions for Hamlet are taking place. Hamlet will be Kyra’s third and biggest play since forming WSP Productions. It’s also the first-time Kyra’s held auditions for a show.

After almost two hours, auditions are over. Kyra and best friend and stage manager, Lydia Johnson, are feeling pretty good with the turnout.

“People came out and took it seriously,” Kyra said.

“They took it seriously,” Lydia agreed, “They’ve been really respectful. They showed up on time,”

“Right, and filled out their paperwork,” noted Kyra.

“Which like, not being part of a company that’s recognized – and working with actors is kind of like herding cats, so the fact that everybody actually showed up, and it wasn’t like two people showed up, and then ten people said, oh hey, but could you do it some other day, cause I can totally make it out, but like, next week,” Lydia explained.

Kyra was pretty nervous before auditions started, but they were also excited. Kyra says, hosting auditions really made it feel like like WSP was beginning to go somewhere.

“Everyone took to direction really well,” Kyra said, “and everyone that auditioned was older than I am, not that, that really matters, but that is something in my mind that I am one of the youngest people participating in this show, and I’m the one running it, and everyone just treated me, and the rest of our crew behind here listening in on auditions, with absolute, just complete and utter respect, and that’s so great, and I had so much fun. I’m so excited to do this show. I’m so excited to work with these people.”

Whiskey Shine and Pantomime Productions was formed not just by Kyra alone, but with help from two people. Kyra’s boyfriend, Ben Johnson, and his older sister Lydia played a major part in forming the company three years ago. Kyra even refers to the two of them as their “tribe.”

But more than just a hobby between friends, WSP developed into a conduit for Kyra’s artistic expression.

“It’s nice that we can make it sound all nice and professional with WSP Productions,” Kyra noted, “We have stickers, we have t-shirts now; it feels like we’re so real already. I’m so pleased about it, but what was once a joke is now just becoming kind of a dream come true.”

Fears & Finances

Kyra is determined to stay in West Virginia and make WSP a lucrative business in their childhood home. But, at the same time…Kyra is also terrified of feeling trapped.

“As long as I can leave, I wanna stay, but that’s the common misconception about West Virginia is that you live here, and you get stuck here,” they said.

So, one way Kyra deals with that fear is through traveling.

“Because it’s proof to myself that I can always leave; that I can always choose something else; that to me is ultimate freedom.”

Travel, like with art, is something Kyra says they need – but to travel, you need cash; to get cash, you need work – and financial security is also something on Kyra’s mind.

Kyra gets some support from family, like using the basement at their parents’ house for rehearsal space. But despite that, Kyra says their family isn’t able to financially support them. In fact, Kyra says their family has some financial struggles of their own, and Kyra often helps out.

So between Kyra’s own bills, their family’s difficulties, and keeping WSP afloat, Kyra’s budget is pretty tight.

During the entire production of Hamlet, Kyra works four jobs – as a raft guide, selling cheese on a goat farm, as a barista and manager for a coffee shop, and as a freelance photographer and filmmaker. But even with all those jobs, Kyra says they only take home about $16,000 a year.

“Because of the lack of opportunity here? It worries me, because when is that gonna be me? When am I no longer gonna be able to afford to leave, you know? If I can’t leave, then why am I staying?”

So, Kyra’s really hoping Hamlet will bring in more money, while also helping to get WSP on the map.

Credit Liz McCormick / West Virginia Public Broadcasting
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West Virginia Public Broadcasting
The cast of Hamlet sit together during the first read-through.

A few weeks later, Hamlet rehearsals are in full swing.

One early morning, after a full night of rehearsing, Kyra recorded an update on their iPhone on how things were going. It was around 1:00 a.m.

“I just had an argument with one of my actors, and it was fine, it was totally fine, we hugged it out, and it was okay, but…I’ll get off of my day job, and all of these people want me to make these decisions, and it’s…it’s my own damn fault. I am the one to make these decisions, I signed up for that, but half the time, I just feel like, oh my god, I don’t even know what I’m doing, I don’t even know what I’m doing…”

Kyra recorded this late night update while sitting on the back patio at their parent’s house. It was early fall, September, but you can still hear the cicadas.

“I want to prove everyone wrong. Everyone says that it’s impossible. I’ve had so many conversations with business owners, and it always just ends in them saying it involves so much sacrifice, and I know that, I know it does, I feel it every day. I spend hours just making our social media look pretty. I spend hundreds of dollars trying to help get the word out, and I spend so many nights that I don’t sleep just so that I can come up with a plan. I know it’s so hard, and I can’t imagine it would be any harder than what we’re already doing, which is just getting people to believe it. Getting people to believe that we are real, and that we are here, and we mean business, and just because we’re young, does not mean that we are any worse off; that we are any less talented.”

Opening night of Hamlet is just around the corner, but will the outcome be everything Kyra hoped for?

And what about Kyra’s family, who have financial burdens of their own? How will that impact Kyra’s Struggle to Stay?

Music was provided by Marisa Anderson.

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