Tips On Telling A Good Lie

Every year, the Vandalia Gathering’s Liar’s Contest brings people out to the Culture Center to see who can tell the biggest tall tale. Appalachian storyteller W.I. “Bill” Hairston is the contest longtime emcee. He spoke with Bill Lynch and gave him some tips on how to tell your best tall tale.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Lynch: As a good way to begin this, since you have been involved with the Vandalia Gathering and The Liars Contest for so long, how did you get into storytelling? 

Hairston: When I was a child, there used to be just a group of old guys who would just sort of sit around and just share stories with each other. They would pass that bottle, and they would just tell stories and just have a good time. 

As a child, you could sit in and you could listen. You couldn’t say a word, of course, but you could listen. 

Sometimes, I didn’t even understand the story, but they would tell these stories and react to them in such a way that I just felt so good about it. I thought ‘wow,’ you know? And that sort of put a seed in me. 

So, I don’t know… I must have been 12 years old when I showed up out at Camp Virgil Tate as a 4-H camper. And as shy as I was, and believe it or not, I was very shy at the time, I decided one night at the campfire to tell a story. 

You haven’t been able to shut me up since.

Lynch: So, what makes for a good tale at the Liars Contest?

Hairston: If you’re able to keep the people’s attention, get them laughing and have them understand what you’re describing, even though sometimes it can be extremely bizarre, but have them go, “ah…” If you can keep that, then you have a great, great story. 

And the other thing about it is that make sure that somewhere in that story, particularly the end, it’s not what’s expected. If you can do that, then you’ve got a good story, and that’s just a natural kind of thing. 

The Liars’ Contest is about humor. We’ve had people get up there and tell very serious stories, and that’s good. People enjoy it. But the winners… How am I trying to say this… when you make people laugh, and I mean laughter in such a sense that people beat on the seats, etc, screaming because it’s so funny, that the elements of a good tall tale or lie, funny lie, are just those things I mentioned.

Lynch: As a contestant, is there anything you should avoid? 

Hairston: We do put a limit on it, a limit of time on you. That limit is five to seven minutes. One of the things you watch out for is that you design your story. You don’t just get up and start running your mouth and think, “Oh, this is the funniest thing,” because nine times out of 10 you’re not going to finish it. 

You need to be organized enough that you can do that story in five to seven minutes. 

Now, the other thing is that if the audience is not looking at you, if the audience is staring into space, if they’ve all of a sudden picked up their phones and started watching, you’re not doing something right. So, in preparation, you need to make sure that the words you use, the phrases you use, and the language you use is something that everybody can pick up. 

Using big words just because you have a Ph.D., you know, keep that to yourself. Just tell a story as a person.

Lynch: After all these liars contests that you’ve been part of, what’s become your favorite part?

Hairston: The favorite part I create. You see what happens is that you register for the contest, but you have no idea when you’re coming up. You know, it’s a thing where I don’t reach down and pull any names out of hats or whatever. I just look at my list. And if I have 14, 15 or 20 people on the list, I just look down through the list, pick a name and call it out. 

And my most fun part is that when people you know, they’re waiting for their name and waiting, and then all of a sudden their name is called, and they just have the greatest look on their face. Some, “Oh God.” Some, “all right!” You know? 

And I like those reactions of the storyteller coming up, because if they have no idea when they’re going to hit the thing, and neither do I, until when someone finishes, I check that name off and look down and see who else. And sometimes it’s as simple as “Well, we had somebody from Fayette County, let’s get somebody from another place.” 

And sometimes, it’s ‘Well, we had a woman, let’s get a guy,’ you know? And sometimes I don’t even know why I picked the name. 

And then also the reaction of the people in the audience, some of them have a whole passel of people that come with them to watch, and others don’t have anybody. 

And if I call out a name and there’s no applause, you go. ‘Ugh.’

And then those people, some of them, turn out to be the best storytellers there that evening. 

The reactions are just wonderful. 

Lynch: Any advice or suggestions on ratcheting up the courage to get out on stage and do this?

Hairston: Well, it sounds corny, but I don’t know any other way to put it. You need to make sure you have confidence in yourself. First, you have to be prepared. So, you need to be prepared. You need to know what’s on your mind, and you need to have confidence that what you’re about to say and do is the best for that particular event. Just get up there. Know what you’re going to do, be prepared and just do it. 

That was W.I. “Bill” Hairston speaking with Bill Lynch about the Vandalia Gathering’s Liar’s Contest. The Vandalia Gathering returns this weekend to the Capitol Complex in Charleston.